Mary
Age ? - “I was engaged to a boy for over a year when I told him I needed to take a break and experience college without a boyfriend. I still loved him and wanted to marry him, I just needed to do things by myself. That was the truth and that’s what I told him. He waited for me for a year, and after giving me an ultimatum, started dating someone. That was a year ago. Throughout that year, however, he would call me telling me that he misses me every day, that he still loves me, that he wants to see me but can’ t because of his new girlfriend. It was awful. This past weekend, he came by my house. He told me all the things he had been saying for months, adding that he was “terrified to be with me again because he was scared we’d fall apart”. He kissed me however several times and then told me if he could, he’d run away with me. He said however that his current girlfriend has “done nothing wrong” and it wouldn’t be fair to her for him to “break up with her for me”
I would tell her but she wouldn’t believe me or she would quickly forgive him and ban him from ever seeing me again, and she already has him on a short leash.
His girlfriend thinks that he is completely over me and that I need to stop being so delusional (whether he tells her this or she just assumes it, I won’t know)
Anyways, he is planning on moving in with her at the end of next month and looking at his twitter/blog, he shows no signs of breaking up with her.
What do I do? I am slowly dying here, I am so in love with him. Please help.”
TLD - Its already obvious that he still in love with you. Right now he just in the relationship dilemma. It sounds like he was really hurt when you wanted to experience life without him, so much that he had to find someone new for awhile to replace that void that he was feeling. Now that you’re willing to take him back, he’s hesitant because he doesn’t want something like that to happen again. That’s where you have to come in and prove to him you won’t. How? You would know him better than i do.
I believe everyone deserves to be happy in life. Is he going to be truly happy with his current girlfriend with you in the back of his mind all the time? Is he cheating himself and his girlfriend? If he can’t give himself all to her, in the future that’s going to hurt both him and her in the end. Even though he doesn’t want to hurt her because she hasn’t done anything wrong, staying just for that reason isn’t enough. If he doesn’t realize it now, how long will it take? One month? Two? A year? Then he would have just dragged it on that long and just wasted his chance with you. Just let him know whats on the table.
Sometimes its not the message, but the messenger. If you guys have a mutual friend you can trust, you can try using that person to convey the information. Sometimes people just need to hear it from someone else.
Ultimately it’s down to him to make the decision.
Feel free to use any of my insights up top. But if chooses to stay with his girlfriend, its time for you to move on, that’s when you can
come back for new advice. Good Luck!
